Hurt in Relationships: Is Forgiveness and Mercy Really Possible?

We experience relationships on every level of our interaction with others. Sometimes those relationships are professional, sometimes familial, sometimes romantic/intimate, causal, and a bunch of other categories in between. There are as many categories of relationships as there are SHADES OF GREY…basically what I am trying to say…definitions of the connections with others can be extremely subjective. Anyway, what happens when the other person or you have done something so EGREGIOUS in that relationship that those on the outside looking in think: Oh there is NO WAY I would EVER forgive someone if they did that to me – OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!! What if that is how you feel…at least how you feel when you are focused on the pain…focused on the consequences of the EGREGIOUS actions of another or yourself? What happens when the focus is no longer on the HURT/PAIN, but on HEALING? What comes into play then? Ahh, you see where I am going don’t you? At some point your acknowledgement of HUMANITY has to kick in…You have to ask yourself: “If I was in the crowd, could I really cast the first stone?” The answer should be no. We are all flawed in some sense…that alone for me grants you MERCY (not granting any punishment when it appears to be deserved) out of my own short comings…now forgiveness…can I let it go? Well, if the focus is on HEALING, you damn sure better! Otherwise, hang a 100 lb. rock around your neck and carry it EVERYWHERE you go. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment (the 100 lb. rock). So – let me wrap it up here: if someone hurt you in a relationship or you hurt someone (usually a 2-way street) – (1) forgiveness is necessary for you to engage in healing, (2) if they have not asked for forgiveness or acknowledged that they hurt you or were wrong, still forgive them, but know they have NO PLACE in your life, (3) if they hurt you, know they hurt, want forgiveness, want to find a way back into your life – along with forgiveness, I would throw in a large measure of mercy; I would evaluate what boundaries need to be set for any type of re-engagement w/this person; then I would define the space left in my life for this person; and I would only remain engaged as long as the boundaries were respected and healing remains the focus.
New Mind – “Changing Lives, One Mind At a Time”


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